 Happy March! I’m back for another installment of the random things that go on in Meka’s head, aka my blog. Though I do hope that the posts I’ve done so far have been entertaining and maybe a little enlightening. The blog title already tells you what will be going on today. This is not a “how-to” but more my rambling thought process on why and/or when sex is included in my stories. With social media, there are so many opinions on this topic that are talked about weekly at least. There’s the camp that think all sex is unnecessary, which is extreme to say the least. Sex, like other aspects of life, has a place to be depicted in media, and as adults, we should be able to decide for ourselves what we consume and what we don’t.
And I’m not just saying that because I write steamy romances. But… I am a little biased on the subject. LOL And I’ll stress again, ADULTS. I’m not here to debate spice or no spice in the YA sphere. Anyway, romances aren’t a one-size fit all, even if some folks insist that romance=porn (massive eye roll). When I set out to write romance, I wasn’t sure if I’d include on page sex or not because I wasn’t sure how well I could pull it off. As I stated in my first post on this blog, my start was with Sim stories and my first story started PG. I was two years in before I wrote my first sex scene, and surprisingly it was my most viewed/popular post. In my writing, I always want to grow and challenge myself, and tackling on page sex was part of that growth (and continues to be something I strive to perfect). Not every story needs to include those scenes, but as I was consuming other stories, and seeing how other writers seemingly tackled it without issue, I wanted to try. The first question I asked myself was is the sex only there to be gratuitous? Not that those scenes can’t be there just for the hell of it (hello erotica), but for the place I was at in 2013, it was something I needed to self evaluate given how the story I’d been writing was up until that point. I didn’t want it to feel forced, or shoehorned in for the sake of trying to be “edgy” or whatnot. We’re all online. I’m sure you all have seen the “bad” scenes people have plucked out of books to showcase how awful they are and the jokes make the rounds. Even though I wasn’t as active on social media as I am now, when I’m writing a sex scene even now, it’s a lingering fear in the back of my mind and as a result they take me longer to do (more on that later). But when I was considering it back in 2013, taking into account the characters and where they were at that point in the story, it was time. Yes, part of it was totally gratuitous because some of the readers at the time were asking for it, and I aimed to please if I could in that setting, but also doing an open door moment for them helped with their character development. That’s something that has stuck with me years later. I’m not saying all sex scenes in romance novels need to be deep and meaningful, but, for me, they should at the very least fit the tone of the story. Examples that come to mind are in A Turn In The Air by AH Cunningham. That book features two characters that are both closed off/secretive type of people, but we learn they have this shared kink which changes what each thought possible as far as a relationship goes. Seeing the trust that is involved with engaging with said kink showed us a different side to the characters. When words would fail them, the physical allowed them to speak volumes. Another example is With Her Own Two Hands by Tasha L. Harrison. Here we have two, not really broken, but emotionally guarded based on past experiences. That book really took me on a journey. The sexual aspect was important to the development of their relationship and a scene that really stands out to me was when they are at the FMC’s family home and they end up having sex in the field after a particularly tense moment with the FMC’s mother. While both of these are handled differently, they equally showcase the importance of how intimacy gives a deeper insight. And they make it seem so easy but… It’s not as easy as you’d think Back to the “bad” scenes that float around social media, reading is one thing, trying to craft a compelling intimate scene was something I truly worried about pulling off, and honestly with each one I do, I still have that seed of self-doubt hanging around. To this day, they remain a part that I fixate on getting correct, more now that I expanded to writing sapphic. Romance gets looked down on a lot. “It’s not real writing” “anyone can write smut” etc. and after a while it’s best not to feed the trolls trying to debate with people who are acting in bad faith from the jump. Humans are messy complicated individuals and writing about that isn’t simple or straight forward. In that same vein, writing sex—good sex—isn’t simple either. There is more to it than a boob squeeze here, an ass slap there, and putting body part A into body part B. Sex is more than penetration, hell sometimes there isn’t any. There is a lot I have to think about and orchestrate when crafting a love scene. What was the lead up to it for the characters? How are they feeling? What is going on in their head before, during, and after the act? Even with a quickie hook-up that is hot and heavy, these things are something I consider. Sex is an emotional act, even if that emotion is just the happiness and satisfaction of doing it. A book that demonstrates that beautifully is The Roommate by Brandy Bush. This is an erotica, so no HEA/HFN, but man was the sex well orchestrated and detailed. It was pure satisfaction from all parties involved in the hookup. The lust and desire that is presented to us through the FMC’s POV is palpable. When I’m crafting a sex scene I have to remember it’s not all about the mechanics. I’m not writing a how to manual. No one wants that. And the authors whose books I’ve enjoyed know this as well. They talk about how the characters feel, in addition to how the sex feels. A sex scene is a well-choreographed mix of tantalizing, emotion, maybe some humor, and well-versed visual aids to help pull the reader into the moment. You can always tell when it’s been given as much thought and care as any other scene. So, where am I going with all of this? Basically, broad generalizations are never good because all nuance is lost when that happens. Romance comes in all shapes and sizes so if someone doesn’t want a rated R book, they don’t have to read them, but trying to say physical intimacy should never be shown is an over reach. The books that I mentioned wouldn’t have had the same impact to me if the authors had faded to black. I’m not trying to get up on a soap box or anything, but as an author who does write steamy books, I wanted to show my appreciation for the hard work other authors are doing. My memory is trash most days, so I didn’t give as many examples as I probably could have, but also, that would make a really long post. But, tell me what are some of your favorite intimate scenes you’ve read? Until next time, ~Meka
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